Tales of the Office
by PBello
Summary: Series of oneshots about the life in the Shinigami office.
1. Field Work

**Author's Note: First of all, I would like to thank you to choose to read this story. This fic will be actually composed of various oneshots of happenings in the Shinigami office. I always found it very fascinating (and kind of funny) how the Shinigami in Kuroshitsuji behave as a sort of dysfunctional corporation. But regarding the story, there will be various OCs, mostly to support the action, but it will be mostly focused on a manga shinigami. All right, I think that's enough, now, the first one!**

Oh, and I almost forgot this:

**DISCLAIMER:** I do NOT own Kuroshitsuji (I know, it's awful)

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**Tales of the Office**

**Field Work**

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William Spears hated field work. He really HATED it. The people, the need to blend in, the soul-sucker demons he encountered, EVERYTHING. And he was on the management level, for God's sake. Or Shinigami's sake, or something else.

He was preparing to leave his corner office when one of his subordinates burst through the door.

"Mr. Spears, there were some uh… problems with your uh, Death Scythe…"

"WHAT happened?"

"That guy from Maintenance, he uh… sort of wrecked it…"

And so, William found himself in Downtown London, armed with his ultra-amazing and powerful SAFETY SCISSORS OF DEATH. Another reason to hate field work. It didn't help much that he was supposed to kill an important businessman, so paranoid of death he isolated himself inside his compound in London. And since he wasn't allowed to reap any other souls but his, it meant he had to sneak inside a heavily guarded compound, armed with just a pair of scissors. Just great.

Sure, he had all those amazing Shinigami powers, but he HAD to sneak unseen inside the compound, not to affect the lives of the guards (that also meant he couldn't stun them). He was thinking of all the ways he could accomplish that when he found himself in the front gate. He analyzed the place, and found a place where he could sneak in through the west side. But as soon as he found himself inside, a guard came up to him and said:

"Hey, you shouldn't be here! Leave now!"

"_Just great"_, William thought, _"you know what? To HELL WITH IT!"_

Ten minutes, over 37 illegal reapings, copious amounts of blood and a ruined suit later, William found himself in the same room as his target.

"Earl Richard Gatwick, you have the right to… DIE! MWHAHAHAHAHA!"

After five minutes of maniacal laughter, William reaped the Earl and returned to the Shinigami Corp. Head Office. He sat down on his leather chair, leaned back for a while and then got to work on his report and "reflection sheet", seriously, what a joke. He already reaped various souls illegally, so why not risk a little more?

"Today I learned that sometimes, reaping humans NOT on the list feels REALLY GOOD. Reaping humans in general feels REALLY GOOD. And if you disagree, bite me b****! (the next parts are too indecent to be shown)."

* * *

"William T. Spears, please report to the Personnel Department."

William hurriedly walked to the wing where the Personnel Department was located. Seriously, what was he thinking? Reaping over 30 illegal souls? And insulting the CEO AND the Board of Directors, as well as making various threats to the CFO's mother? Man, he was boned.

"Mr. Spears," said the Shinigami Corp. Personnel Director, a rather chubby man that went by the name Charles Spencer, "it seems to me that you have gone berserk the other day, and apparently reaped, let's see… forty-one illegal souls, care to elaborate on that?"

"I… I am really, REALLY sorry, I just don't know what came over me-" William started.

"This report here also says you insulted over half the staff of this company, including our CEO, which you called a "no-good curry muncher", our COO, a "honky redneck cracker", and even the CLO, who is apparently your personal friend, a "motherf*****ing son-of-a-b****". Would you care to elaborate on that too?"

"It's just that, I was so pumped after doing all those things, I just had no control of my actions. Didn't YOU ever do something like that?"

"Well, once I DID kill over four hundred civilians in that building collapse-"

"See? We all have our demons sometimes. Couldn't you PLEASE forgive this transgression?"

"Well, I guess I can. Just refrain from killing more civilians in the future, allright?"

"Okay."

* * *

"And that is how I got away with killing forty-one innocents." William declared, with a proud huff.

"Oh yeah? I got away with killing FIFTY innocents!"

That sure was a fun employee outing.

* * *

**Author's note: WOO! The first story is done! Until next time. Have a good one now.**


	2. Viral Video

Author's Note: Great, Chapter 2 (or rather, story two). Anyways, think about the video 2 Girls and 1 Cup before reading this (if you haven't watched, watch it, seriously, nothing perverted or sick about it. Just remember to tape yourself and send the video to me). Yeah, so then you get the picture of the video made during this story. And beware the Death Note reference (it bites and laughs manically).

Oh, and I almost forgot this:

**DISCLAIMER:** I do NOT own Kuroshitsuji (I know, it's awful)

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**Tales of the Office**

**Viral Video**

**

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**

Ronald Knox was pissed. REALLY PISSED. That jerk William made HIM stay overtime and finish his report on how killing a serial rapist was a good thing, and how he deserved to die of a heart-attack while attacking a victim on the street (Shinigami called it "Kira-style killing"). It was quite clear that the jerk deserved to just rot away to nothingness. And he wasn't talking about the rapist.

But then, like a strike of lightning, an idea crossed his mind as an evil smirk formed in his face, and he quietly, yet maniacally laughed to himself (maybe not so quietly).

* * *

_1 month later…_

_

* * *

_

For William, it was just another normal day. He had his breakfast of nothing ("Breakfast is for slackers", he used to say), showered, got dressed with his Number 13 black suit and headed for work. The day seemed to be just normal, until he saw a cluster of HIS subordinates slacking off and looking at something at a monitor, clutching their bellies and holding on to their vomit.

"OH GOD!" said one of them.

"TURN IT OFF!"

"MY EYES, MY BEAUTIFUL COLORLESS EYES!"

"Meh"

"I'M GONNA THROW UP!"

He approached the cluster of lower-level shinigamis and took a peek at what was going on at the monitor. If somebody photographed his look at the time, it would definitely end at the Shinigami Book of Records as "Biggest butt-face/surprised at a shocking happening look in history".

There he was, William T. Spears, getting it on… with HIS DEATH SCYTHE. And it wasn't just getting it on, mind you. The thing was shoved an indeterminate amount of feet up a certain orifice of his. It sufficed to say he wasn't pleased.

"GET OUT YOU BASTARDS! LET ME SEE WHO UPLOADED THIS VIDEO!"

The profile name of the "author" was Knoxieboy609. Ok, he could deduce it from there. There were about twenty "Knoxes" in Shinigami Corp. He could discard about fifteen of them, that were a little bit too old to either have an account in a video-streaming site or call themselves "Knoxieboy". He could discard two more because they absolutely idolized him. Plus he could discard one more because he had suffered an accident and was hospitalized. And he remembered that one of them really HATED overtime and recently had to fill out various forms about a reaping involving some criminal. THAT WAS IT! He got his culprit, and now, for his punishment…

* * *

_Enough time to purchase and install a torture room adjacent to his office later..._

_

* * *

_

"R. Knox, please report to the office of W. Spears, at the Dispatch Division."

"Hello, Knox," William said eerily, a creepy smile altering his usually stoical face, "good to see you came. Now would you please accompany me to the noise proof room adjacent to my office..."

Muffled screams were heard all across the Shinigami Corp. Head Office that day.

"Yes, so, did you understand _Richard_? You thought I wouldn't know YOU did it? I knew you hated me for making you fill out those reports about that serial killer's death after work hours. I knew you had some party to attend to, and how you hated me for killing that human girl you really liked. Now, care to say something?"

"I didn't do it man!"

"LIAR! TIME TO MEET MR. WATERBOARD AGAIN!"

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Author's Note (again): Yay! Ronald didn't get what he deserved! He will, eventually though (foreshadowing). Anyway, remember to hit the review button down there and flame all you want, 'cuz I don't care! I promise the next chapter will be less random (it's just that I couldn't let THIS idea go to waste). Anyway, have a good one now.


End file.
